This piece by Anne-Sophie Dumetz originally appeared on her blog
Up Your Game
“I feel miserable, but I’m too busy to change.”
These are the words I heard from a mom who was overworked, under-slept, and unable to find a way out of her stressful life.
So, what’s happening here?
When you know you’re not well, and you choose to ignore it, it’s bound to get worse.
So why is resist the change?
When this happens, a piece of you is afraid because changing would mean becoming someone else.
Leaving the comfort zone. And that’s always scary.
And you’re you now. You’re loved now, so why become someone else?
Because you’re not happy being you.
How do we go from…
“I’m overwhelmed by my life, I can’t find time to sleep let alone take care of myself fully… it feels like nobody cares.”
“I feel at peace with my life and my choices. I’m rested, energized and
I’m excited about my life and all the wonderful people and opportunities that come my way!”
The answer: It takes a lot of courage, commitment, determination and support.
Because the self-sabotaging voices WILL come up to drag you back into your comfort zone.
I’ve heard them often, and still do at times.
Keeping with the self-sabotaging mentality is also going to keep you exactly where you’re stuck.
And the solution will never be served up on a silver platter.
As you stretch beyond your comfort zone, you’ll hear voices deep inside like this:
“What If I don’t like who I become once I have time to take care of myself?”
“What if nobody loves me as much when I give less of myself to everyone?”
“What if I can’t become someone who’s relaxed and easy-going and who consistently feels great?”
Valid questions that are all based on the fears of change.
In truth, these objections only prevent you from creating what’s really possible for you… and really being all of you.
They’re a voice inside that wants to keep you feeling ‘SAFE’, and it can be thought of as self-love.
But is it really self-love to put everyone else first, feel constantly tired,
never take true care of yourself and park your dreams until you have time, someday?
Are you really taking care of others by not taking care of yourself? No.
When I did that, I ended up burned out, sick, miserable, unable to show up in my life.
I was robbing my kids of their true mom, myself of my own life and everyone else of what I could really offer.
That voice was not self-love.
It was fear and self-loathing, plain and simple.
When that voice shows up, it’s the voice that says, “You’re not good enough to live your dreams. You’re not a good enough mom. You can’t make it. Not now. Not on your own’.
It’s really easy to feel hopeless and stay stuck.
So what’s a mom gotta do?
It’s a 3-step process:
Step 1: Accept that change is good: It’s the only way to be.
It’s what gets you from A to B and beyond.
Change is how we got here: From a single cell, into a full-fledged living and breathing human being. It’s what creates butterflies and blooms, effortlessly. Shedding cocoons and seeds, growing wings, stems and petals, without struggle or resistance. Change is nature’s way of growing us into whom we’re meant to be. All we need to do is trust. Lean in and learn to love it and magic will unfold.
Step 2: Thank those voices for their concern, and tell them ‘I’m OK, I’ve got this‘. They’ll learn to quiet. Trust me.
Step 3: Get solid, committed, knowledgeable support you trust.
When you want to change, you’ll need solid support to remind you why you’re doing this in the long term, and to also give you the tools to move forward. To remind you of your beauty.
And remember you can’t change what you don’t see. Lack of clarity is a deal breaker in this process.
You have to get clear on why you want to change, where you’re going, and what’s in your way.
The best place to start as a parent is to identify what freedom blocker is making you feel trapped and overwhelmed. All that’s required is an open heart, good questions, and support to lead you through it.
PS: I can help you get started on this process now. Apply for a complimentary discovery session now.
Anne-Sophie Dumetz helps moms and dads who juggle a busy career and home life to find their freedom again. She’s on a mission to help millions of parents become great at life and parenting, to build world one heart and home at a time as Game-Changing Parents.
Photo courtesy of Justin Van Leeuwen.